why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
