I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
