I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
