barbara walters just said penis...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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