Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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