Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
