go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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