I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
