also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
