I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
