the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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