it hurts more in the daytime
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
