The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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