i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
