I just pynch a tree in the face
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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