She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
