i already hear my dad disowning me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
