He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
