I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
