So drunk its hurt
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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