ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
