May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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