"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need to calm my uterus...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
