i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
