do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize