So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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