just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
