its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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