Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
