i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
