He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
