i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
