Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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