doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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