I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All the doctor said was why
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
