So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's always time for handjobs
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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