I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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