i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
