the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
