You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
