Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
