It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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