i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
