Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
