I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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