Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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