We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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