Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
