Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
