I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
