Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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