What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
