why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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