I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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