She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
