Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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