I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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