Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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