Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
