she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
