Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
