I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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