You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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