I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
