hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i think i have two assholes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
