She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I could make wine with my vomit
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
