Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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