Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
