we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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