I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
