The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
