lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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